Friday, September 28, 2018

Ugh!

Anyone else out there feeling frustrated, angry, hopeless, or triggered by the craziness happening in the US these days? I need to vent and don't feel like FB is an appropriate space right now. I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said, just need to type it out.

So the grown men who report being sexually abused by priests when they were children should just sit down and shut up? They should never come forward? If they couldn't do it at X age, then so sorry so sad? Get over it? Take the political aspect out of it for a second. I get that this is very politically charged. Those of us with daughters, let us think about our daughters for a second (or sister or female friend...whatever you can relate to). Can we imagine a horrific scenario where something could happen to them and they didn't want to tell us? I can. I've been that teen and I had a mother who was trained to deal with situations of abuse, who was extremely understanding, and her job had her working with people who were abused. I still didn't want to say anything. Fortunately, because many women (and some men) have paved the way so my daughter feels comfortable telling me (because things have already come up...nothing to this extent, but inappropriate comments or touching that made her uncomfortable and she has told me right away) right now. But, will she feel the same way when she isn't living at home or if I was no longer around? What if I was the type of parent who blamed her for what she was wearing or if she drank alcohol or just being around men or not going home early enough or all the hundreds of reasons we put the blame on the woman (or man in some situations)? Or the type of parent who didn't want to make waves and didn't want to upset a powerful family in my community. I'm not talking about this particular case, but I can completely empathize with women who do not come forward or come forward years later.

What I don't understand is the men who I know have treated women in similar ways (or worse) who are acting like they are "allies" without dealing with their own behavior. Don't pretend that you are "one of the good guys". I'm not saying you should all be locked up and throw away the key, but just come clean, look at your past behavior, vow to do better. Then you truly can be a good guy and can be there for others.

I am guilty of not coming forward. So many different times. For myself, for my friends...I was there to listen, but I never believed anything good could come from me "getting someone in trouble" or "ruining someone's life". Here we are. My sons and my daughter are growing up with the same misogyny and culture that values "powerful" white men over all else. It makes me want to scream. It makes me very angry at my young self. I makes me want to hide in a hole and never speak to another human being again.

So, here are pictures of the wonderful canine beings that I am so fortunate to care for and have in my life. They are helping me through these days. I hope you have someone or something helping you through. I hope you know you are not alone. I hope we, as a species, can come out better on the other side of all this stuff.

Unity, a sweet greyhound we care for and she cares for us right back.
Ruth Bader Greyhound, a gentle soul who was pretty skittish when we first started watching her and her lab mix sister, Hadley, but it has been such a joy and privilege to see her fun-loving personality emerge as we get to know her better.

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