I am close, so close, to weaning my last child. I've been a lactating mom for 11.5 years straight and I've formulated a post about milk (cow's milk, human milk) in my mind hundreds of times over the years I've been blogging. This post will still not be that post that aches to be written, but hasn't incubated long enough.
I know this is my space, it isn't like I have a slew of readers I want to keep happy, what was I waiting for? I guess I did have a business over that time and some very dear/wise friends gave great advice to me before I started my venture. One of the pieces of advice I didn't think I would follow, and probably didn't follow very well, was don't make big political stands on issues. You never know when something you say will turn a potential customer off or come back to haunt you. Well, I closed the business at the end of last year at the height - or depth - of a very dark time for me. I've been crawling my way out in a glacier sort of way, a couple steps forward and four back. One thing that may possibly help is taking the kid gloves off. I will be 40 in eight days and I'm ready to say "hello" to my (more) outspoken I'm old enough to stop caring (or start caring about the important things) about what people think or how they take what I say side. Respect of other views is still necessary, I don't think I know the one right way to do anything. There is a balance to be had and I would hope after forty years of living I had mastered a bit of balance, but it is time to push that comfort zone. In one of my favorite group fitness classes, we are told to push ourselves to the point of almost falling to learn how to right ourselves again. This is supposed to the work the muscles which we use to catch ourselves so when a fall happens it is an easy and correctable occurrence. I'm paraphrasing, but I like the concept and hope to work on this in every aspect of my life: physical, mental, relationships, parenting, etc.
I'm coming to an end of an era in my life. The last twelve years have been about pregnancy, birth, nursing intermixed into my other work within my community and family. It is bittersweet to think of the letting go of some of the most intense and intimate moments of my life into my fond memory, at the same time gaining a level of freedom and autonomy I haven't felt since becoming pregnant with our first.
Or it could just be that I was sick yesterday and spent a good portion of the time watching our neighbor's trees, which were several stories high and older than anyone I've ever known, be slowly and carefully cut to the ground. Too much time to reflect. Either way, this blog will be evolving and I'm happy to be talking to myself or for some of you to come along for the ride.